steadymobbing:

steadymobbing:

i asked my mom how she met my dad and she said at a college basketball game this guy got distracted and got hit by the ball and got a huge bloody nose and he came up to her after the game and said “i was distracted by you” with like blood all over his face and jersey

so i asked my dad and he said “my friend told me he’d give me 10 bucks if i asked a girl out with my broken nose and she said yes”

mynationaltreasure:

toinfinityandbeyonce:

smilingemoticon:

kanyewesticle:

usb-dongle:

kanyewesticle:

it takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning

oh my god

fucking fandom references

WHAT FANDOM? THE JESUS FANDOM?

THEY PREFER THE TERM CHRISTIANITY

shavingryansprivates:

hannabarbarian:

basketball is so stupid like okay cool you can breathe in poison gas for 20 minutes and then die what’s the big deal

i don’t think that’s how you play basketball

(Source: dysphoriadaughter)

thegentlemandothprotest:

rollad20andkissme:

dietchola:

do twin boys have the same penis size?

Tumblr user dietchola asks the important questions.

We once asked Cole Sprouse this.  His answer: “Not since the accident.”

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

sunshineface0014:

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem

You can’t even see your problem

how to fall in love

cheshiresparadox:

• Find a complete stranger.

• Reveal to each other intimate details about your lives for half an hour.

• Then, stare deeply into each other’s eyes without talking for four minutes.

New York psychologist, Professor Arthur Aron, has been studying why people fall in love.

He asked his subjects to carry out the above 3 steps and found that many of his couples felt deeply attracted after the 34 minute experiment. Two of his subjects later got married.

Well. That’s odd to think about.

(Source: roots-deep-mind-high)

gothlolita:

im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names

*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
[Dramatic music]
Me: *Sneezes*